Inadequate

Inadequate. Insufficient. Incompetent. Incomplete. Incapable. Imperfect. Incommensurate. Infrequent. Impaired. Inferior. Impotent. Ineffectual. Inefficient. Insubstantial. Infirm. Inept.

All the words described above have similar meaning which is lacking of something of what is required or necessary.

Today, or this week rather, I have been feeling that way. I feel so lousy, so week, so feeble, to be able to do anything. For starters, I keep failing in waking up to my desired time every morning. I want to wake up like a hour prior to any class, if I have any on that day, or around 8am so that I can go to the gym and be more productive with my time and day and resources. But alas, I can't. I can't get my fat ass off the bed. I just keep sleeping and sleeping and sleeping till it was noon today.

And my mind keep telling me that I can't do anything coz I am that incompetent.
I can't study harder.
I can't be smarter.
I can't run faster.
I can't help people better.
I can't be more knowledgeable.
I can't be better at badminton.
I can't be able at my time with God.
I can't be able to hear God's words.
I can't have a better prayer life.
I can't be more toned.
I can't be healthier.
I can't be more of an extrovert.
I can't forgive people.
I can't tolerate people.
I can't cook better.
I can't connect with people better.
I can't be better looking than other people.
I can't be taller than other people.
I can't be more talented than other people.
I can't play any musical instrument better than other people.
I can't allocate my time properly.
I can't be friendlier to people.
I can't stay away from the internet before falling.
I can't be more disciplined in my study and spiritual life.

So much doubts that have been casted down on me till I can reach to the point of breaking down. I just keep undermining and undermining myself for hours and hours, days, weeks. But somehow my system, at times, chooses to ignores these doubts and at other times, decides to bombard me with them till I break into tears. I am so freaking sick of this. Whenever my inner conscious is doing, it is like I have no control of it. In university, you turn to one side and you see a taller and hunkier guy. You turn to the other side and you see people having a gf/bf. Another side and you see them so diligently studying. Another side and you see people socializing and so sure of themselves. Sometimes it sickens me to see people having everything so easy from the outside and that's how you begin to undermine yourself and it never stops. It is a perpetual torment every single day of your life. It is killing me from the inside.

I am stuck. I am insecure. I am taking everything too seriously and have too of a critical mindset. I need to break down these walls that the Devil has built around me and start change my mindset for the better. I must...