Two days ago, I attended a Katy Perry concert and it was off the hook and it is the best ever concert I have been to among all my concert experiences. Furthermore, it was the standing area, even better right?
Or so I thought. People keep pushing each other, touching each other, squeezing each other. I felt rather uncomfortable, getting agitated, annoyed, angry, frustrated, tired, not to mention half deaf from all the screaming. I was thinking, if I let this emotions takes its course and I actually unleash it, it wouldn't be pretty would it?
Then a thought flashed up in my mind. God always knew I have problem tolerating people and always treat every little actions of other people as an insult to my wellbeing when it is not so. Even when they are just glancing around, mini dagger-like thought would attack and make me incredibly insecure and uncomfortable, planting seeds of doubt and insults, trying to bring me down, rendering me worthless in the eyes of people. Somehow I recalled the devotions I read not too long ago that says:
The Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom He loves; Hebrews 12:6
That correction process takes time and even though sometimes we know our flaws and weaknesses, instead of seeking God to change that in us, we tend to ignore it and shove it aside, having the mentality that we would be able to handle it whenever it comes about. But I can honestly say that any actions by our own strength will be in vain. I have issues with people being too sarcastic until that sheer mask cover their true self. It is just too hard to reach out or relate to them. I know I am being judgmental here but that is my baggage I guess. People being fake and just putting on a show. When you ask them something, you need to ask them twice because their first answer is not a genuine one. It is very draining and energy consuming. Also another issue I am facing is just dealing with offense. Some people are just so freaking oblivious to their thoughts and actions because they are not observant enough to see it just right in front of their eyes.
God will correct these problems Himself first before using other people and circumstances to correct us. It is hard to accept and swallow our pride to know we are wrong, especially through others. However whatever corrections God made, either through Him or people, is for our own good, for our Lord God is faithful and good and perfect.
My correction lesson is:
1. Do not take offense from people actions and thoughts and words; instead take it as something constructive and appreciate it
2. Do not be sensitive to everything
3. Tolerate people; their good and not-so-good characteristics
The next day after the concert, I felt ridiculously ill. Before that, I was kinda on the verge of falling sick. But now it is official. The virus has invaded my body system and so the war begins. A microbiological war that is. However there is another battle that is happening right now as well. The spiritual battle. This is the first time that I felt a huge surge of thoughts rushing into my thoughts. The spirit of offense, the spirit of envy, the spirit of pride, the spirit of bashing people up, the spirit of unworthiness, the spirit of insults. Bombarding me with thoughts after thoughts, not letting me go. This spiritual bombardment actually intensifies when the illness kicks in and I have never felt such thing before. The Devil is a crafty being and will seize any opportunity to bring you down. And unfortunately, I fell so hard yesterday until I felt my spirit broke into a million pieces. I didn't feel the presence of God, I felt so empty, sick, deprived. No guilt, no grace, no love, no mercy, nothing. Just an empty void of space.
Then today, I woke up and I just read 'Our Daily Bread'. Guess what is the topic? It is "Abusing Grace?". I was blown away by the topic and felt it really touched my heart, based on my circumstances I have experiencing these few days. I do feel that way. I do feel that I am abusing the grace of which our Lord God has graciously poured upon us. His abundant love. His everlasting love.
As Paul puts it, in Romans 5:20, where sin abounded, grace abounded much more. However as assuring that is, as Jude says in Jude 4, it is possible to change the grace of our God into a license for immortality. I can't help but thinking this verse was meant for me right now. To have the mentality to commit a sin and then go to God for forgiveness and then to sin again, that sounds so appealing. Imagine to live a life of sin, yet we can still go to heaven, knowing all our sins have been cleansed. We can do whatever we want, which is true, as God has permit us to do so, but will that be pleasing in the eyes of God?
In Romans 6, Paul spoke directly to the point. “Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?” He gave a short, explosive answer: “Certainly not!” (vv.1-2) and used an analogy that starkly contrasts death and life. “How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” (v.2). No Christian resurrected to new life should be pining for sin but rather hate sin for all the destructions it will have upon our life. It also destroys our relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.
Do not let sin reign in your mortal body; Hebrews 6:12. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit so lets keep ourself holy and pure. Let us worship our Lord through our actions, not merely our words. No matter how weak we may feel or how low we feel of ourself and of our life, let that pain and suffering be insignificant compared to our relationship to Jesus Christ.
Remember this: God does not save us by grace so we may live in disgrace
Therefore I really encourage you guys to read it because it really relates to everyone no matter where we are in our life.
Excerpts from Our Daily Bread (30.4.2011)
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